Right, well, it's been one of those months where too many highs and too many lows are all packed in way too short of time. Since I've been here last I flew up to Seattle to attend the wedding of one of my oldest friends, accompanied by a good couple dozen of some of my other oldest, dearest friends and got to see my mom and a good handful of my family-by-choice-family. It was like a deliriously happy love fest the whole time and then I came back to San Diego hit a low-ass low. I'm feeling stalled and discouraged in a few areas of my life right now and the tidal wave of those emotions hit me full force after 4 days of constant love. It's been an odd year so far. Hell- the last two years have been odd and hard. I tore my meniscus in March and then ended up back in the emergency room on Sunday night after a week of pain in my chest and trouble breathing. I'm fine- the pain hasn't gone away but all scary immediate emergency threats were ruled out- my heart and lungs are healthy and I was sent home with pain pills and over the counter medications and instructions to check in with my doctor, which I will once my new insurance kicks in July 1st. Going back and forth between doctor, pharmacy and insurance provider is probably the most frustrating experience you can have when you're unwell. After Fernando driving me to the urgent care my insurance provider had specifically told me was in network for my insurance plan and being turned away I burst into tears. I was in pain, scared and really aggravated that this insurance I've paid thousands of dollars into wasn't working out for me. I can't even imagine how horrible it is for people dealing with life threatening situations and chronic diseases who have to battle with insurance on a daily basis. Anyway- I digress.

Here's the most important thing. A couple weeks ago I mentioned on an Instagram caption that I was having a rough week. Within minutes, at midnight no less, two of my best girlfriends texted me to remind me that I am so loved and that everything will workout. The next day more of my friends reached out. I worked out with my sweet friend Katie and was able to be vulnerable and real with her and she was there for me. When I left work, scared and in pain, on Sunday to go to the emergency room my coworkers, who are at this point my good friends, texted me to make sure I was okay, see if they could help me. My mom and sisters have kept close tabs on me with phone calls and texts and (in the case of my sister who lives close) some Cali Creamin' ale and burgers, then a joint nap (napping is kind of our thing). The point is that when you're going through a rough time its easy to get sucked into a dark hole of loneliness and lose track of the fact that you are so insanely, gloriously loved. It's also easy to forget that it is perfectly okay to send out a distress call, to be real with your feelings, and that your friends and family, your tribe, will immediately throw you a lifeline. I'm incredibly lucky because I have an inordinate amount of incredible people who love me and get me. This week is looking up- despite still being in some pain I know now that its minor. I've started working out daily again after a long time off and an injury and its hard and discouraging but also very uplifting because I'm doing it- I'm taking those steps.

I don't want to only present the pretty food and wine I'm having on this blog. I want to be real and honest, not for the sake of attention or oversharing, but just for the sake of being a real person. Life is messy and hard and I am continuously trying to figure my shit out. Last week that looked like bursting out in tears while trying to follow a yoga video. Monday it was taking Norco all day and watching Netflix documentaries and losing 30 minutes looking at Kardashians' Instagram. Yesterday it was cleaning every inch of my house and today it's being here, writing and expressing myself.

I've made some good stuff and had some great drinks the last few weeks and I have those pictures and recipes to share at some point, but for the next week or so I'm under doctor's orders to eat bland food and abstain from alcohol. I don't even know what bland food means but my interpretation was gnocchi with butter and pesto and a Caesar salad. I don't know if a Caesar salad counts as "bland", but it was simple and healthy and tasted delicious. I love a good Caesar and I am telling you right now to never purchase the dressing at the store ever again. They're loaded with bad shit that will stay in your system for centuries, super high in gnarly fat and kind of expensive for what's in it. I've started making my own and it is so incredibly easy, fast and cheap. The only special ingredient you have to buy is anchovy paste- everything else you probably have at home. It comes together quickly and mess free in a blender and will keep in your fridge for a few weeks.

I made this salad for my friend Amy and myself one night when we had a "wine tasting" at my house. Our wine tastings so far usually include about 15 minutes of talking about wine and about 5 hours talking about everything else. This last one concluded with Amy and I passing out in my bed and her husband walking in my house to find us asleep and spooning. So you know, successful study session. I layered radicchio and little gems lettuce with avocado and roasted asparagus, grated some good parm over the whole thing and left the dressing in the middle to make this an easy finger food. Amy suggested some quarted, soft boiled eggs nestled in the lettuce and I usually add a sliced cucumber or tomato wedges or olives or whatever else I have on hand. This is not your local diner's Caesar, after all. Also, I really miss wine. Since Friday all I've had is one mimosa and that does not even count as wine. It's just juice with like, a splash of cheap sparkling.

Homemade Caesar Dressing

1 Egg
Juice of 1 large lemon
1 T Anchovy Paste (you could just as easily use fillets- I opted for paste because its less expensive and stores more easily)
1 T Dijon
1 Garlic clove
3 1-Inch chunks of good parmesan
1 cup olive oil (or oil of your choice- grapeseed is more neutral)
Salt and Pepper to taste (I use way less salt than pepper- the anchovy paste and parm are both salty and I prefer a really peppery, lemony dressing)

Put all ingredients in blender and blend until parm and garlic are finely chopped up and the dressing is emulsified. Taste and adjust seasonings- I usually end up adding more lemon and pepper. If needed thin out with water until desired consistency. I've added a whole avocado in the place of the egg and its turned out just as good. I've also added a handful of basil or sundried tomatoes, this is an easy base to play around with. Store leftovers in the fridge, it will keep for a couple of weeks.

Groundwork 2013 Counoise

In late 2013 I received a bottle of Groundwork Grenache in my Food and Wine wine club shipment. Looking at the bottle I knew it would be special- the beautiful artwork on the label, the fact that it was a Grenache and the blurb about the wine maker, Curt Schalchlin. I remember a quote from Dante's Inferno followed by a few sentences that reminded me of the boys I had crushes on in high school, in the best possible way, brooding and serious. Grenache is to me a sexy and lushly pleasing wine- its all crushed violet petals and black cherries with an underlying peppery wildness that drinks beautifully on its own and pairs exceptionally well with food. It seemed like a match made in heaven, and I couldn't have been more right once I opened the bottle. I immediately ordered a case of it. That was over a year ago now and that case is long gone, I hadn't revisited the wine since, but I couldn't get it off my mind. There are so many wines to drink, so many fish in the sea, but just like a high school crush I kept thinking about the Groundwork Grenache. It was time to go back to him. Last week I ordered a handful of wines from Sans Liege, the label that produces the Groundwork line. I ordered my beloved Grenache along with a Grenache Blanc, a Rosé (made from Grenache), a Mourvèdre and a Counoise.

Counoise is classically used in Rhone blends and you rarely see it as a single varietal. I have no idea why. This wine was exceptional, bright cherry on the nose with a Dr. Pepper like spiciness. In the mouth it is bright and briny- it stays dry and smooth with perfect acidity and a pleasant saltiness. Usually Fernando likes big, bold, old world style reds, he was not into the Argyle Pinot Noir I had a few weeks ago, so I expected him to be nonplussed. He loved it. We paired the wine first with some soft La Tur cheese with fig jam and then Arroz con Pollo with a beef chorizo and tomato base. It was lovely, but I would drink this with grilled meats, charcuterie and salmon as well. It's a perfect red for summer, light and bright and shining served slightly chilled. I'm ordering a few more bottles straight away to have on hand all summer long.

 

Groundwork 2013 Counoise

Central Coast

 

Snapshots from my garden

A passion fruit and a Zinfandel grape vine, growing together.

 

Beautiful flower, little bee.

Kale I planted two years ago that will not stop, bougainvillea blossoms nestled in the leaves. 

Lime.

On Creativity and Basil and Cucumber Infused Gin

When I was a teenager I was creative every day. I always carried around with me a large, bound black book with empty pages that were thick enough to stand up to drawing, painting and writing. I expressed myself on a daily basis through writing poetry, journaling and art. I copied down song lyrics and poems and taped photos I'd taken and developed myself in the pages. I wrote about my highs and lows- all the love and loss that a teenager prone to melancholy endures- and my dreams for what the future would hold. I wrote poetry and while a good portion of it was full of angst and somewhat embarrassing, some of it was quite good. At any rate it was an outlet and it carried me through some of my harder years when I struggled with depression and uncertainty. It was hard for me, when I was a teenager, to exist within my mind. Now, although the beast still occasionally rears its ugly head, my life is much happier. I moved away from the small town that stifled me, I have good love in my life, I have control over how I spend my days and altogether am not a teenager anymore. Being a teenager is so fragile and high stakes. Everything feels important, everything matters so much. Your body has a million mood controlling hormones pumping through it and all of your emotions, which change so rapidly, are just right there at the surface. I wouldn't go back to that time in my life for any amount of money or bargaining, but I still love and appreciate the girl I was when I was 17. She was creative and artistic, she wrote and drew and took pictures and painted and was very much in touch with that side of her soul. Somewhere along the way I lost that. I don't remember the last time I had an empty page in front of me and filled it with my thoughts. I don't even own charcoal pencils anymore. When I moved to San Diego four years ago I left my manual Minolta camera with my parents and besides some sporadic journaling I've hardly written a thing lately.

I've spent the last four years on many worthwhile pursuits; I fell in love, worked full time, studied for and attained my Certified Specialist of Spirits through the Society of Wine Educators and my First Level Sommelier certification through the Court of Master Sommeliers (currently studying for further certifications), I have a beautiful home that I love and many good friends. I've read countless books. My family weathered a hard time and we are just now, in the last few months, coming out of it happy and healthy with only a few scars. I haven't been complacent by any means, but I also haven't accessed that creative side of myself that it so vital to who I am. I realized this sometime last fall and it was the catalyst towards starting this blog. I thought that writing about and taking pictures of the food I make and the drinks I drink would be an easy outlet and come naturally. Its with some sadness and more shock that I realize its been quite difficult. I'm having trouble finding my voice and as I read through several word documents I had always planned on posting here my short essays seemed disingenuous, the writing mediocre. Even the photographs I clicked through were displeasing. I had expected to sit down and be creative on a regular basis for the first time in years and be pleased with and proud of the outcome. It shouldn't have surprised me that this unused side of my brain was not quite up to par, but it has. Its going to be a journey to find my voice here. It's going to be challenging intellectually and technically. It is going to stretch me creatively and I'm sure the way will be paved with some disappointments along with the feelings of satisfaction and achievement, but I've learned by now that life is like that. May the writing and photography improve, the voice become clear and may I remember to be gentle and patient with myself.

Meanwhile, I want to tell you about some gin.



Infused liquor is so simple it seems to hardly qualify as a recipe, let alone a groundbreaking concept to write about. However I still feel compelled to share because sipping this gin in the form of a French 75 last week while sitting in the sun in my backyard felt absolutely luxurious. I put basil from my garden and half of a sliced cucumber into a jar and then filled it with the gin. I let the concoction sit in my fridge for two days then strained the liquor back into the jar. As I did this infusion with fresh produce, as oppose to an ingredient that would last indefinitely, I'm keeping the gin in my fridge and will use it up within the next few weeks- not that I think that will be a problem. I've had it simply shaken as a martini, with a squeeze of lemon and a splash of good tonic on the rocks and of course the aforementioned French 75 which I plan on indulging in again in a couple of hours. Although it is uncharacteristically chilly and overcast in San Diego today (64 degrees Fahrenheit- send help!) I expect it to brighten my afternoon and bring a bit of summer to my day.

For the infusion I used Sapphire Gin- I usually prefer St. George or Hendricks but because I was flavoring the gin myself I went with something a bit less pricey. Please steer clear of cheap booze even in cocktails where the poor flavor can be masked- its cheap because less care is taken in the distilling process and more toxins are left in.

Cucumber and Basil Seventy-Five

2 oz  Cucumber and Basil infused Gin

.75 oz lemon juice

.5 oz simple syrup

a good splash of sparkling wine (for cocktails I prefer something crisp and more neutral than a champagne- I usually go for a Prosecco or Cava)

Mix gin, lemon juice and simple syrup in a cocktail shaker with ice. Shake and strain the concoction into a flute, martini or coupe glass. Top with a float of sparkling wine and garnish with a twist of lemon peel. Feel like the adult child of royalty with no real responsibility but to have good hair and a good laugh. Cheers!

Gérard Bertrand 2014 Cotes de Roses Rosé

I picked up this bottle of Gérard Bertrand rosé last week after it caught my attention for three reasons. First of all, the bottle is stunning. Upon further inspection of the label I saw that the wine maker is Gérard Bertrand, a trustworthy name in French wines, and that it was from the appellation of Languedoc and made from the happy trinity of Grenache, Syrah and Cinsault varietals. The gorgeous bottle, which was designed by an art student, has a beautiful rose carved in the base and a glass stopper in place of a cork. Fortunately, the wine sings just as beautifully, if not more so, than the bottle. It’s lively and fresh and transports you to the Mediterranean south of France from whence it comes. It hints at ripe wild strawberries without becoming overbearingly fruity and has just the right amount of acidity to sip on its own or pair with food. I opened a bottle of it on a sunny afternoon and enjoyed it alongside a simple charcuterie plate and later with a roast chicken and rustic tomato salad. The bright notes of the wine complimented the smoky Spanish chorizo perfectly and had enough body to stand up the garlicky roast chicken. You can find this bottle for under $20, making it a perfect daily wine. It would be smashing with seafood and would even be a balanced option for barbequed chicken- this will be one of my wines of summer.

Two Baguettes: Succotash

On one of the first evenings I spent with Fernando, my boyfriend, I had taken home a leftover loaf of sourdough bread from the restaurant I work at. The two of us sat on the counter top of the tiny kitchen in the house I was staying in at the time and ate slice after slice of the bread with olive oil and drank cold Peronis while we talked, getting to know each other. I remember him saying something along the lines of "If this wasn't one of our first dates I would eat this whole loaf." I also remember encouraging him to keep eating. This was almost four years ago and bread and butter (or olive oil) has continued to be the, forgive me, bread and butter of our relationship. There is always bread with our meals, usually Bread and Cie Seedy Sourdough Baguette, even if it means an extra trip to the store just for bread. Fernando is tall and strong and the kind of man who can eat bread endlessly without ever gaining a pound. He will literally eat an entire baguette, straight from the brown bag, before the meal hits the table, which necessitates purchasing two whole baguettes for two people per meal. I can't quite explain why but I absolutely, deliriously love this about him. Maybe its an analogy for his appetite for life, maybe its a testament to how, even in the first few days, we have such a deep level of comfort around each other we have never doubted that we are soul mates. We are relaxed with each other, we eat bread with abandon.

We have a routine for the several nights a week that we cook dinner together. Typically we've had some discussion as to what we'll be making and I pick up groceries and arrive home first. I'll usually pour myself a glass of wine or mix a cocktail, put a show on my laptop on the kitchen counter and start prepping the ingredients. Fernando will walk in the door, usually 20-30 minutes in, and give me a kiss, then grab the baguette from the counter and take a bite right off the end, then sit down to the news for about ten minutes while I continue cooking. After he's sat and decompressed for a bit he'll join me in the kitchen, tasting the dish and adding a pinch of salt here or a splash of wine there while taking bites of bread straight from the baguette. This routine has taken place hundreds of times over the years and makes my heart sing. I love it. It is my favorite place to be, with my favorite person, and it fills my soul and nourishes our relationship. There are a few dishes he takes the lead on- stir frys and tacos and such- and he's always happy to take the helm on the rare days I don't feel like cooking. Fernando's excellent palette and his intuition when it comes to food are some of my favorite things about him and are quite useful tools to have in the kitchen.

One of our go to weekday meals follows a simple formula. It consists of a fish, a grain, a vegetable and of course, a side of bread. Last night's meal was the perfect example. I made quinoa and pan seared scallops for myself and Alaskan cod for him and rounded off the meal with a succotash* based loosely on a dish I made for Fernando on one of our first dates. Succotash is one of my favorite spring and summer dishes; its fresh, versatile and packs a lot of beautiful flavor into a quick and easy side dish. Once you start with a base of corn you can add whatever is in your fridge or caught your eye at the market. I always aim for at least three colors- yellow from the corn, red from peppers or tomatoes, green from squash or legumes. You can season it however you want, with chilies or pancetta or a diced pineapple for acidity and sweetness. It comes together in 15 minutes or so and the modest ingredients make it an inexpensive side dish. Last night's version reflected the wave of new summer produce hitting the markets here in Southern California- I shelled a handful of peas, chopped some baby summer squash and added a Serrano for some heat, garnishing with julienned green and black basil from my garden. It was bright and beautiful and livened up the simple fish and quinoa. This recipe is simply a guide, the beauty of succotash is you can omit and substitute without fear- if you don't have fresh corn frozen would work just as well. Use the size of the corn kernel as a guide for your dice of the vegetables- you want everything roughly the same size for even cooking. Taste as you go and season accordingly and embrace the freedom of adjusting the proportions as you see fit. The leftovers hold up well for a couple of days and make a great breakfast with an egg on top or an easy meal together with some black beans and hot sauce.

Succotash
serves two, with leftovers

4 ears of Corn
1/2 yellow onion, diced
1 large clove of garlic, minced
1 Serrano (or jalapeno, depending on preference), sliced into thin rounds
1/2 cup fresh English Peas
1/2 cup baby summer squash, diced
1/2 cup cherry tomatoes, sliced in half
butter or oil for sautéing
1/4 cup dry white wine (last night I poured in sparkling rose straight from my glass)
small handful of fresh herbs (basil, cilantro, mint, chives- whatever you prefer) julienned
1/4 lemon
salt, pepper and chili to taste

Begin by shucking the corn. Rub the ears with oil and season generously with salt and pepper before placing on a hot grill. Allow the corn to char beautifully and evenly, rotating it on the grill. You can just as easily skip this step and add the kernels directly into the pan, but the char adds another layer of flavor. Meanwhile add the onion and garlic into a hot sauté pan and let them sweat together until they are translucent and fragrant. After you've allowed the charred ears of corn to cool slice the kernels from the ear, I find the easiest way to do this is to lay the ear down horizontally and with a good chef's knife held parallel to slice downwards on two or three rows of corn. This creates a flat and stable surface and you can easily rotate the corn and continue, minimizing the kernel's eagerness to fly all over your kitchen. Toss the corn into the pan and season with more salt and pepper and a dash of chili. Immediately add the Serrano, peas, squash and tomatoes, toss together and cook until they have just grown tender, about 2-3 minutes. Turn the heat on to high and deglaze the plan with wine, allowing the liquid to cook off almost completely. Taste and adjust seasonings, then turn off the heat and squeeze a large wedge of lemon over the top. Pour the succotash into a serving dish and garnish with fresh herbs. Serve hot or allow to cool to room temperature, it does beautifully either way.

 

 

* If you are from the South and object to this dish being called Succotash because it does not have lima beans in it, or because your sweet old Grandmother didn't make it, or because I put a Serrano in it and suggested adding pineapple or pancetta, that is totally fine. I get it, ya'll- Southerners are prideful and they know their food and take great pride in traditional cooking. If it eases your mind you can rename this recipe "Summer Corn Sauté". Bless your little hearts.



Begin in the Kitchen

I am not, by nature, a centered and calm person. My mind seems to either be racing a million miles a minute through a million different topics or overwhelmed with a tired trail of smoke drifting out of it, like a cartoon. Even as I sat here, at my kitchen table, I glanced outside and noticed the morning sun beckoning to me and thought I should stop typing and wander outside. A mere moment later I thought I should make another cup of coffee and then make my bed and then write a grocery list and then started thinking about work yesterday and then my dreams last night and the confrontation I had in my dream that represents unresolved conflict I have currently in my life. This is how my brain works and it can be exhausting. At 28 it has taken some hard work and serious growth over the last ten or so years to discipline my mind and attention span and learn to be patient with my heart (and other's hearts). Through many life experiences- some beautiful, some tragic, some mundane- I've learned to recognize when I need to take a moment and breathe, gain perspective, find my starting point for the next five minutes or five years. I've learned a few techniques for this but far and away the most constant, fail safe thing for me to do is to step into the kitchen and make something.

For me, everything begins in my kitchen. It is where I start my day with a cup of coffee, where I sit with friends when they visit, where I read the news and write in my journal and of course, where I nourish myself and others. It’s around my kitchen counter where I cook with my boyfriend several nights a week, chopping vegetables together, him tasting and tweaking the seasonings, catching up on our day while we offer each other tastes of soup and sauces. It’s where my favorite Aunt and I sat for hours, catching up on the major life events of the last several years and drinking a bottle or two of champagne. Around my kitchen counter is where my sisters know to sit while I cook paella for them, where we always have a cheese and charcuterie board out and I keep everyone’s wine glass full. My mother and I have spent countless hours together in the kitchen since I was a child, cooking for each other and our family and friends. The kitchen is the room where everyone gathers at parties, where people let their guards down, work together, feed each other, talk to each other. I’ve had many a long, lovely conversation there, a few difficult ones, and innumerable run of the mill but no less important “how was your day” exchanges. My kitchen is a creative, comfortable place. It centers me and speaks to me. It’s where I feed my body, mind, heart and soul. It’s where I begin.